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[ Watch The Birdie, Episode IV - A New Hope (Page 12) ] You'll forgive me, I hope, if the writeups are a little brusque from here on out. We've an awful lot to get through. So, without so much as a hint of further ado... Week 12 - Arizona Cardinals (10-0) @ St. Louis Rams (3-7) +10 Come on, surely we don't need introductions at this stage? Oh, alright. Readers, meet the St. Louis Rams. St. Louis Rams, meet the readers. Happy now? Alrighty. - The first half is an exercise in futility, with our offence seeming unable to move the ball and the Rams not even able to hang on to it. Brian Westbrook sets the tone by muffing a punt return deep in our territory, giving the Rams ideal scoring position. Luckily, Marc Bulger is still Marc Bulger, and under heavy pressure he picks out Tay Cody for the cornerback's second pick in as many weeks. We give the ball right back on a long fieldgoal miss by Whosamaflip, and once again the Rams drive back into the redzone. Another third down, another blitz, another hurried throw by Bulger, but this time he succeeds in picking out RB Lamar Gordon on the flare. For all the good it does him. Rookie corner Jed Bowden clobbers Gordon, out squirts the rock, and following a comedy of errors which includes MLB Ronald McKinnon trying to sit on the ball, OLB Raynoch Thompson finally succeeds in securing the fumble.
The Rams have yet another chance to break the deadlock late in the half, but once again it's Lamar "Butterfingers" Gordon who ploughs into a pack of Cardinals and emerges the other side sans ball - Shawn Springs with the strip, Raynoch Thompson once again with the recovery. Greatest show on turf, my fat white hinder. Halftime, ARI 0-0 STL - Our offence picked up 62 yards in the entirety of the first two quarters, but following an inspirational team-talk in the locker-room during the break (you might think that the words "useless" and "gits" were prominently involved, I couldn't possibly comment), we gain 72 yards on the opening drive of the third, mostly from Marcel Shipp. Jeff Blake delivers the coup de grace from a foot and a half out, and with the way this game's been going, it's possible that one score might be enough to win it. The theme all day for the Rams is "Moving Eighty Yards With No Problems, Then Screwing Up The Last Twenty". They do finally trouble the scorers on the ensuing drive with a short figgie, but given that they'd had a first-and-goal at our 7-yard line, that's a disappointment for them. Besides which, it's almost immediately nullified by a Bulger Moment as the fourth quarter gets underway, when he launches an absolute rocket of a pass straight at OLB Levar Fisher, who catches it pretty much in self-defence and sets up Doodad's second field goal of the day. ARI 10-3 STL, then, and from there the game more or less fizzles out. Jeff Blake has to leave the game with a chest injury late on, Whatsisname adds a couple more three-pointers and we move to 11-0 in a week when, unusually, our defence vastly outperformed our offence. What's this? Oh, the medical report on Jeff Blake, let's see... Oh, criminy. Torn pectoral muscle. Expected to be out for three months. Stock up on tinned food, load up the shotgun and gather your loved ones around you. May God have mercy on our souls. The Brian Griese era begins here. [
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